So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
