I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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