i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
