Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i've created a new STD.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
