If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
