I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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