How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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