Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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