that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize