We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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