He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
