Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
