I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
