He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
