Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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