I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
