i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
