Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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