I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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