You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
