just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
