Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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