I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
