Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
