Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
