Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My bed smells like the plague
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
