So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
