So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
