Don't make out with my wife yet
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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