dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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