how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
