her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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