I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
