mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
