I just threw up on my dentist
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
