Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
