I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
