also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
