be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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