Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
