omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
