the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
