Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
