I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
