He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
