dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You made out with two different species that night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
