but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
