Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
