I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
