she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
