dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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