Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
